Dry January

Setting a resolution for myself in general was my way of failing the resolution. We all need to remember that we’re perfect and trying to be better is improvement!

I don’t want to shell shock anyone, but at my core, I am extremely basic. I will proudly say that in high school, I owned a pair of ugg boots. And if we’re being really real, I still own a pair. Some of you might be thinking “well aren’t those women’s boots?” and to that I say, “men have feet too!” And as a man, I like to think owning a pair of popular women’s winter boots makes me sooo basic, I’m complex again.

Even more basic than my shoes; I identify primarily as a wine lover. I recognize my binge drinking as something I should pump the breaks on… at least once a year.


Last year, I only agreed to “drink-less January” because I knew I wasn’t in a place (physically or emotionally) to quit pinot grigio cold-turkey. But this year, for my health I decided to cut my wine habit completely. I repeated my mantra “new year, new me!” Meanwhile, I’ve never wanted to drink more.

At first, I was off to a strong start. Literally everyone I know was going dry. We were all holding each other accountable. I was enjoying my sober life. I was making the most of Saturdays by not wasting my morning hungover. I was getting shit done.

I made it all the way to Saturday, January 12th without even a WHIFF of merlot. But I was starting to break. I missed pouring a thick glass of white after a long and stressful day. I was invited to a small gathering of friends that very night. I was told it would only be nearest and dearest. No more than five.

Five people - barely any peers to pressure me. I thought I could maintain my dry streak. But I’m an impulsive bitch who loves to party!

When I walked into the house party, I knew it was game over. Literally every bottle of alcohol imaginable was laid out on the counter for us. I can only assume our hostess with the mostest intended us to finish it all that night.


“When I walked into the house party, I knew it was game over.”

In my hostess’s defence, I brought a bottle of my favourite white wine with me. Call me type a, but I’d prefer to plan to fail – wouldn’t be caught dead failing to plan.

After eating total shit at committing to better myself in 2019, I figured, why not continue the free fall? At dinner this week, bottles of wine were on special – and you could take home whatever you didn’t finish. It was one of the happiest moments of my life. I imagine it’s similar to delivering your first born. So, in a sense, failing is also success.


Most people talk about how an alcohol cleanse helps them feel healthier. I can confirm that I immediately got sick once I stopped drinking. I’m not a doctor, but it doesn’t seem like not drinking helped me. I’m back on the bottle WELL before the end of Dry January and I’m here to tell you that’s fiiine. A glass of rouge is good for the heart. If you’re going to keep up with it and be sober until February, that’s fine too! But don’t you dare come at me with that negative energy trying to shame me for not making it 31 days sober. It’s famously extremely difficult to stay sober.